Well, I’m already slipping. Fourth week of January and I have already missed a week of blogging. While I cannot go back, I can move forward.
Yet moving forward right now is difficult. I am in the ‘vacation coma’. This haze of reality where all I want to be doing is skiing with my friends in the mountains. Because I know how to ski and I feel I can ski decently well, that being blues, and some blacks, with confidence. First item off The Dream List! Sadly, the vacation is over and reality has set in.
I am not ready to be back at work though. I walked in the first day and felt like I was hit by a hammer. Just crushed. I felt out of place. Lost. Like I had taken the wrong turn coming home and should have gone the other direction back to my friends. I miss my friends a lot – here is your shout-out, Brenden, and the rest of the Bomb Squad; thanks for reading and your friendship – and it is pulling me down.
I have experienced few vacations as incredible as this past one. It was amazing. Just unbelievable how peaceful, relaxing, and comfortable I could be. We’re talking 12 days in the mountains, 8 days of skiing, 2 days of hiking, and 2 rest days. We found pristine ice to climb (sadly, we were unable to climb it because a friend fell through a frozen creek, water up to his thighs, and we had to get him to warmth), and much more. I don’t know if you have fallen asleep next to a fireplace watching huge snowflakes fall outside, but it is magical. Honestly, I could go on, and I probably will at some point (actually, later this week in a post about skiing I will), but right now, I need to focus.
I am not on vacation anymore. It’s the hard reality, and I wish it wasn’t true, but I have to accept it and move forward. Productivity is the priority now. I really need to start writing. Start moving forward, because frankly, if I don’t move forward and maintain my current emotional momentum, it’s going to get hairy (and it did for a time period). I can feel the darkness lapping at my ankles, staring me down, and I don’t want it to come for me.
So here I am on my day off, nursing an injured ankle, pounding away at getting ahead. It is time do work. A big part of that is finding my rhythm in writing again. Writing is one of my daily goals, and I have yet to meet that goal once this year. And that is sad. I call myself a writer, but I barely write. It is a contradiction and I don’t want to be that.
One thing I started doing is carrying around a mini notebook in my pocket and everyday I pick a prompt to write on. A story only told in dialogue, a character description, creating tension, suspense, anything I can come up with and I try to write a little bit in the notebook on that prompt. Or I can use it to capture my random ideas. Sometimes ideas blind side me and I tell myself, “I’ll remember that and write about it later”. It never happens. I am hoping this tactic with the mini notebook will solve some of my writing problems. I’ll update you guys next week on how it is working.
On a different note, one thing I get constant questions about, and with good reason, is what happened to my Van Life plan(spoken about in a past Custom Update). And to answer the question, it is still in the books, it is just taking time. I have been fortunate enough to have my sister and brother-in-law be SUPER supportive of the idea, along with inviting me to stay with them in the interim. It has been a great experience so far and they have allowed me to stay a bit longer than originally planned. Thus, I have been able to build my nest egg a bit more and search for a nicer van option. Finding a van that I want to call home is a big deal. In the end, the time spent searching will be worth it.
It is all about finding rhythm again. Little bits of effort everyday will get me there, it just takes persistence. It is coming together, it is just taking time.